From Goth to 'Hopeaholic'- one man's journey to 'hell' and back

(Photo credit: BRF Ministries)

It's only in his latest book's final pages we learn that author Trystan Owain Hughes, was once a teenage Goth; 'delighting in everything miserable and melancholic.' These days he couldn't be more dedicated to cultivating hope in others, now he's in self-described 'middle-age.'

Trystan is tutor in applied theology at St Padarn’s Institute and priest-in-charge of Christ Church, Roath Park - both in Cardiff. To Hell's Mouth and Back (BRF, 2025) charts his arduous 140-mile walking-pilgrimage across the terrain of North Wales - passing his home-town landmark, Penmaenmawr Mountain. As a 13-year-old wearing a long black coat, he wrote a poem about the mountain, 'dripping in pessimism, gloom and despair.'

What made his recent hiking experience all the more gruelling is that he limped a lot of the way along; the result of a serious injury exacerbated, he fears, by pressing on with his itinerary regardless.

He is no stranger to physical pain having had to rebuild fitness after surgery on his back. Thus, we have the story of two pilgrimages here- the one on foot via the hell's mouth of the title, 'Hell's Mouth' (Porth Neigwl) near Abersoch in North Wales, and his own personal journey (much of it later spent recovering on a red sofa at home) which gave him even more time for reflection. As a convalescent, he occasionally tips into deep frustration if not downright despair.

This is a book for armchair pilgrims, then, which not only speaks to those of us who might never undertake such an exacting long-distance trek but to all who, somehow, have to, navigate a way when pain and disability, heartache or sorrows strike - which of course is likely to be every one of us at some point on life's journey.

Rowan William's has described it as, 'A wonderful book of reflection, lament and celebration.' It is seasoned with many memorable quotations from his favourite writers; R S Thomas, John Donne, John O'Donohue and Richard Foster jostle alongside references to actor Michael J Fox, British magician Dynamo, and singer-songwriter Andy Grammer.

I read it looking out for wisdom in relation to the ageing process and I was not disappointed. How much more difficult getting older is made by, somehow, feeling (however illogically) that it is one's own fault? While he is 'stuck at home, leaving only for short, pain-filled walks', he recalled Albert Ellis, the founder of rational emotive behavioural therapy, who argues that: 'while 'adversity' is a part of life, 'suffering' begins when we convince ourselves that our struggles define our worth.'

'As the months passed by, I started to believe that my pain was defining my very being. As I trod my second pilgrimage, I was learning that pain is not simply something to be endured; it has the relentless power to unravel a person, thought by thought.'

(BRF Ministries)

The people who engendered hope in Trystan on his pilgrim journey as well as his later pilgrimage back to health were his walking companions along the way, some planned - family and friends - some serendipitous chance encounters. Also, there were the visitors who came to see him while he was confined to home.

One parishioner, for example, who knew of his long-term spinal condition caused something of a breakthrough for him, encouraging him to 'learn to love my back, which seemed almost absurd at the time.'

'She suggested that I make time each day to recite a meditation she had composed. This began with forgiving my body for letting me down and forgiving my spine for its weakness. It then went on to an acceptance of my present predicament, choosing to love my body, just as it is, and love myself, just as I am.'

'Finally, I would commit to embracing with hope and expectation the future that God held for me.'

Likewise, in all our journeys, whatever we are facing, we can meet the present with grace, the past with compassion and the road ahead with hope.'

The term 'hopeaholic', by the way, is attributed to actress Anna Deveare Smith who insists that is what we all need to be!

To Hell's Mouth and Back is a very personal book which will ring true with many who struggle with suffering and how God might redeem and transform our pains.

Whether passages were born from summit experiences or times spent shifting uncomfortably on that sofa, Trystan has forged a narrative for every individual who rails against the discrepancy between what is and what we would like life to be. As Elisabeth Elliot, missionary and author once said:

'Suffering is having what you don't want or wanting what you don't have.'

Meantime, while well-meaning platitudes fell flat for our pilgrim lying in pain, one profound truth resonated deeply for him:

'What truly reached me in those moments of raw vulnerability was the quiet reassurance that, no matter how distant he seemed, God was walking alongside me.'

'It was a reminder of the biblical promise of God's companionship' he writes. 'As such it harkens back to the harmony of Eden, where God walked with humanity (Genesis 3:8, and Leviticus 26:12) and points forward to the hope of a future paradise yet to come.'

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