Compassionate care in difficult times

Anna Chaplain and Chief Executive of the charity Befriended in Sussex, Gail Millar, recently sent through their latest newsletter. Among stories - including those of the other Anna Chaplains who work alongside Gail- Raj’s story really caught the BRF team’s eye.

With Gail and Raj’s permission, here’s an excerpt from his story and a poem Raj has written in response. It highlights how something extraordinary can emerge through times of deep pain and loss.

Raj attended bereavement course, 'Compassionate Conversation', in July. The three- week course has had a profound effect on his life and family. The newsletter explains: 'His wife, when attending a Befriended social event, expressed her sincere thanks for the healing and impact the course had had on her husband and subsequently their marriage and children.'

Raj, a poet, had been unable to sleep, eat, work or go out, let alone write poetry.. for a long time. He explained how he felt 'trapped in grief.' Referred by his family, he somewhat reluctantly attended the charity's bereavement cafe in June and was invited later to attend the course in July along with six others.

'Little did I know I would meet such special people who would then play a significant role in my life after loss.'

By the second week there was a significant turning point. After connecting with others and discussing various aspects of grief, he went home and, for the first time in ages, he slept and felt at peace.

He woke refreshed the next day and wrote a poem. By the following week he was sharing his poem with the group, (Gail was the course facilitator) then presented it along with some accompanying artwork.

The poem is called 'The Hollow and the Light - A fractured bloom' and is shared here with Raj’s permission.

The Hollow and the Light - a Fractured Bloom

In chasms deep, where silence held is sway

six constellations shattered, at the dawn of day.

Loved ones, echoes, through my spirit slipped,

A barren landscape where my solace ripped.

Anticipatory dread, a coiled, venomous vine,

Then sudden trauma, a seismic, cruel design.

My compass fracture, my core, a phantom ache,

A tempest roared for truth and soul to break.

Anger, a wildfire, seared through bone and nerve,

Loneliness, an abyss, where echoes swerve,

Sadness, a burial shroud, heavy on my chest,

Guilt, a haunting whisper, putting peace to test.

A black hollow swallowed, light became a whispered lie,

Until a resonance, from a distant sky,

‘Befriended’ bloomed a courage newly found

A fragile tremor, on sacred hallowed ground.

In circles woven, where compassion gently gleamed,

Each shared narrative, a burden softly redeemed,

A sanctuary offers, where vulnerability could soar,

Strangers at first, then anchors at shore.

From diverse currents, a vibrant fabric spun,

Connections forged, beneath a rising sun.

Like nascent tendrils, from fallow earth we strain,

learning to flourish, through sun-dappled rain.

The journeys rhythm, a guiding, gentile chime,

From ‘Growing around Grief’ transcend space and time,

for grief, a river, carves its relentless might,

But life, a forest, unfurls, embracing light

No longer adrift, in shadows of despair,

A luminous surge, a breath of vital air.

Uplifted now, from darkness, stark and cold,

Illuminated steps, a story to unfold.

The path of radiance, before me now extends,

Resilience sculpted, as healing gently mends.

And compassion, a lighthouse, steadfast strong and true,

A grace received, to share with me and you

However, the story does not end there. Another person, an artist, Caroline - also attending the course - was finding it a welcome safe space in which to process, share and acknowledge her own bereavements and losses. She found the freedom to express her feelings through art. She and Raj became good friends and began to collaborate on artwork to illustrate his poems.

Gail says: 'They have both made an incredible impact on so many people’s lives through their honesty, openness vulnerability and creativity. They have each changed emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally.'

Compassionate Conversations is a three-week bereavement course looking at past and present, grief and gratitude. The next course begins on Thursday September 11. 2025. Contact sally@befriended.org for more information.

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AtaLoss 

Anna Chaplaincy is linking with the leading Christian charity AtaLoss helping bereaved people find support and wellbeing. A number of Anna Chaplains already run the charity’s award-winning The Bereavement Journey® - a group-based programme for bereaved people being piloted in care and retirement homes. https://www.ataloss.org /

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